


Of cannibals and crumbling walls

by Amaya_Ithilwen



Series: Collection of RVB-OneShots [19]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Canon-Typical Humor, Canon-typical Cursing, Canon-typical jokes, Crumbling walls, Jokes about cannibalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 04:43:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3433973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaya_Ithilwen/pseuds/Amaya_Ithilwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meeting a new roommate was always an exciting event. It tended to edge a little closer to frightening if you get told your roommate puts teammates through walls and eats people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of cannibals and crumbling walls

After thousands of medical check-ups and other tests, a young blonde man finally arrived at a huge ship somewhere in space. After that he met the director and his new team leader. A woman. Who kicked his ass so badly that every black spot and every bruise would still ache even in three days.

If that wouldn’t be bad enough, he got assigned to share a room with three other guys. Not that he had something against sleeping in the same room with other guys, he already did it back on Urrera, the planet he had been in the alien-defense-squad. To be honest, he had been curious and excited to meet his new team members and his new room mates.

But he noticed, just at the first meeting, that one of them was hardcore crazy and the other one was a… fucking huge mountain of a man with larger upper arm muscles as the young man was broad! How was he supposed to survive that!?  
Standing in the door, this guy in front of him and the crazy one in his back, wasn’t exactly the welcome the blond man had imagined!

The mountain of a man stepped aside and let the young soldier enter. Or more, stumble inside as the crazy one shoved him in. This guy had picked him up after coming out of the locker room, freshly showered and with some bruises more. As he was the only new recruit around here, he got dragged along. Because he seemed to share a room from now on with the two.  
Showing him the bed and his space, the blond began to put away all the stuff he had brought along. The huge guy was standing beside the door, whilst the other flopped on his bed.

“So you’re the recruit.” Stated the guy laying on the bed. “How’s your name?”  
“I’m D- I’m Agent Washington.” Corrected the young man himself. His old name was of no relevance here. Here he could start new. And he had decided that he would leave his name behind.

“So, Wash-“  
“No Washington.”  
“Oh come on! It’s a nickname! Almost all of us have one!”  
Oh, really? So he would be called Wash from now own? That sounded like they want him to clean up something. Awkward name.

“So Wash will it be then. Fine let me introduce us then. I’m Agent New York. But everyone calls me York.” Okay, the crazy one got the name New York. Crazy like the city. Always vivid and on the run.  
“And the silent guy over there is Agent Maine. He doesn’t have a nickname.”  
The huge man nodded shortly to the introduction, but then scowling at York as he explained that he didn’t had a nickname.

“Why doesn’t he have one?” asked Wash, being stupid enough to fall of the trick.  
“Well, he’s putting teammates through the wall. Already had the pleasure of going through that. It brought me two weeks in the sick bay as I had a middle heavy concussion and a huge broken arm.” Explained York, looking at the newbie with a gleeful grin while pointing to a spot on his left under arm. Wash was sure that there was where he had the broken bones of this incident. 

“Serves you right.” Wash heard a low grunting voice. It almost sounded like only a grunt, but there were words accompanying the grunt. That was the huge guy over there. Maine, right?  
“Hey, it was a sparring match! I’m sorry if I were too agile for you!” retorted York, looking a bit offended.  
“You’re not agile, you’re quirky.” Replied the Freelancer calmly before dropping back on the bed. Said furniture made a dangerous sounding squeaking noise, as if it would break down in the next second under his weight.

“Anyway.” Set York in, obviously not feeling too intimidated by the other roommate. “He does put people through walls.” Stated the tan armored soldier, again smiling brightly.  
Seriously? Wash looked alternatively between York and Maine. A guy as huge as a fucking building put people through walls? He already saw the training rooms. It wasn’t like the walls were thin as paper. They were fucking thick, to prevent said happenings. And that the people passing by the training room wouldn’t get hit by bullets, or well, one of the sparring partners. But that was just absurd.

“Hey, perhaps the record of the match is still on the server for ‘tactical review’. I can show it afterwards when introducing you to the system and F.I.L.S.S.” continued York and Wash couldn’t help but to pinch his nose bridge. That guy may be laid back and all easygoing, but that was definitively completely crazy. And the hit on the head of Maine putting him through a wall didn’t seem to make it better.

Maine left the room, saying something about going training and using the time given more productively than York in sitting around and talking nonsense. At least it sounded like that for the steel and yellow armored soldier. He didn’t exactly get what the grunting meant, but it just heard like that. He also made it up of the answer York then gave to that.

“It’s not unproductive! You would be happy to get introduced too if you were new!”  
“I didn’t got introduced. And I didn’t got told such bullshit!”  
“That’s no bullshit! I really got put through a wall by you!”  
“It wasn’t even a wall. Only a pillar in the training room. And you deserved it. Stop whining about it.”

The door closed and the huge dark skinned man disappeared. Wash still was a bit astonished by the appearance. Maine was huge and muscular. He was broad built and looked grimly. Or at least a bit like he would get easily pissed. His whole way of behaving had an intimidating effect on the young soldier. He was small, rather short compared to this particular Freelancer and more or less not half as strong. Hell, he even was only half as broad as Maine.

He didn’t give himself much chances to survive a fight without greater injuries. Winning was out of consideration in Washs book. This man would kill him with his pinkie. Okay, correction, everyone here could kill him with his pinkie. But unlike the others, like the dorky grinning York beside him, he actually looked like being capable of. To just squish him like an annoying insect.

York himself returned and flopped back on his bed. Crossing his arms behind his head he looked at Wash with a grin. “Impressive person, huh?” asked the tan armored Freelancer, looking at the newbie. “Well yeah. He actually is impressing. But unlike others he really look like he could kill you with his pinkie.”  
“Oh, don’t worry, he’s not the guy to kill people with his pinkie. He’s rather eating them. So better stay away from him when he’s hungry.”  
“He does what!?” squealed the new Freelancer. Oh god damn it. How much did he hate this squealing voice. He had wanted to get rid of it when coming here, but he failed miserably as he was falling back into old habitudes.

The older man nodded as if he was confirming himself what he just said. “He’s eating people. You never heard of the story of people disappearing at midnight? Oh right, how could you, you just arrived.” Chatted the brunette on like he was talking about the weather. Whilst Washs eyes again widened full of disbelief. “You gotta be fucking kidding me!”

“No really, there was a soldier who disappeared in the middle of the night. Like Agent Georgia.” York had been flailing around with his arms to emphasize his explanations.  
“What happened to Georgia? Did he got eaten by Maine?”  
“That not no, but if he wouldn’t have gotten lost with his jetpack, Main perhaps would have eaten him. He had most lard at him. Enough to sat his hunger for some hours.”  
Wash only groaned to that statement, again pinching his nose bridge. He just arrived and had a fucking headache because of the idiot beside him.

A faint know came from the door and the next second a blonde with violet hair-ends peeked in. “Hey York! Oh and you must be that newbie.” A smug smile crept on her face as she again looked to the tan armored soldier. “Maine and North are going to have a sparring match. You wanna watch too?”  
“Yo South, sounds like fun. We’re in.”

A bit unsure, Wash looked alternatively between York and the woman called South. “Fun?” was the only thing he was able to squeak out.  
“Yeah, watching a sparring match is always fun. Even more when Maine is involved.”  
Wash flinched shortly, what made South roll her eyes. “What did you tell him for horror stories you asshole?” asked the woman at the door.

York lift his hands in defense. “Nothing! Just that he puts people through a wall!”  
“And that he eats people.” Added Wash with a deadpanned voice.  
South shortly looked at both before nodding and turning around to leave the room the guys right at her heels.  
“Well that’s the truth. Now come on, or the match will be over before we are there.”


End file.
